CHICAGO, IL — The Big Ten, today, announced the launch of a new board game to help fans get through the fall without a Big Ten college football season. The game, aptly titled “Where’s Warren?”, is a rousing game of cat and mouse between Big Ten Commissioner, Kevin Warren, and… literally the rest of planet Earth.
The board game’s tagline, “Look high. Look low. Where the heck did Kevin Warren go?” is an ode to the current commissioner’s knack for hiding and ducking important conversations. But, the game doesn’t just end with catching Warren. Even if you do find that sneaky little guy, you’re then required to get a straight answer out of him — a task that’s proven monumentally difficult.
“Nobody’s actually won, yet”, said a Big Ten spokesman. The game also features an angry Desmond Howard that pops up at random moments and goes on an agry 5-minute rant before disappearing into the woodwork. The Northwestern version replaces Howard with ESPN commentator, Michael Wilbon.
Former Big Ten Commissioner, Jim Delany, also makes an appearance; he can be seen slowly shaking his head in disappointment in the background. Also of note, the Minnesota version of the game features an altered name, “PJ Fleck Presents Where’s PJ Fleck’s Conference Commissioner, PJ Fleck? by PJ Fleck’s Conference.”
And yes… Iowa did hang a banner commemorating the game’s release.