WEST LAFAYETTE, IN — A strange occurrence at Bob Diaco’s introductory press conference at Purdue University. Halfway through the questioning, Diaco suddenly barred the door to the press room and launched into an 87-page PowerPoint presentation on how to change a tire. Some of the highlights of the presentation included:
- 15 slides on the origin of the word “lug”
- 37 slides on rubber
- 5 slides the “Diaco Diamond” for tightening the lug nuts
- 24 slides on proper strain when tightening the lug nuts
- 1 slide on how to actually change the tire
Sadly, several reporters took their own lives mid-presentation with many others injured from severe “cutting”. Screams of “make it stop, dear God just make it stop” could be heard coming from the room.
Police were not called, however. Diaco suddenly stopped mid-presentation, began mumbling something about “building a table” and let all the reporters go free.