BREAKING: Local Man Dies Waiting For Commitment of Recruit Mario Verduzco Tweeted About


LINCOLN, NE — An area man passed away early Monday morning from extreme dehydration, starvation and excessive bleeding from his “refresh finger”. His wife described the incident: “It’s that damn Verduzco. Tweeting and nobody knows what the hell he’s talking about. Jake just sat there starting at his phone, constantly refreshing his Twitter feed. But nothing ever came.”

It turns out Verduzco was hanging out at the Lincoln airport, tweeting welcome as planes arrived. He had no idea people thought he was tweeting about recruits: “Those planes, now. They’re some cool cats.”

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