BREAKING: Nebraska Hates Kids


LINCOLN, NE — Ugh, look at these losers from Nebraska — giving out game tickets to underserved kids and their families? Those monsters! How dare they create an obvious win-win to keep their sellout streak alive and give kids a life-changing experience. Who do they think they are? Penn State?

This is all clearly a PR scam to pull the failures of the program over the fans… WHO DO NOTHING BUT TALK ALL DAY ABOUT THE FAILURES OF THE PROGRAM! Those clever devils.

Here’s the full statement from Athletic Director, Trev Alberts:

“Kids are stupid.”

We reached out to Michael Jordan, but he had no comment.

We’ll have more as this tragedy unfolds.

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