BREAKING: Noah Vedral to Co-Pilot Plane Flying to Indianapolis, Will Also Call the Game Alongside Kevin Kugler, Serve Concessions at Halftime and Star In Next Year’s Broadway Classic, Cats

Noah Vedral

INDIANAPOLIS, IN — Word on the street is Vedral also plans to coach next year’s AFC Super Bowl representative, will serve as an alternate on NASA’s next space flight to Mars, replace Joe Buck as Fox’s play-by-play man (thank God!), teach Rocket Surgery 101 at MIT and cure cancer all while juggling three footballs and chugging a Corona.

Of course, it’s ridiculous he’s the alternate on NASA’s space flight. It’s obvious to anyone with half a brain that the shuttle just runs crisper when he’s in charge. If Buzz Aldrin weren’t Jack Frost’s “golden boy”, Vedral would be the clear #1. WE WANT AN OPEN COMPETITION FOR THE SPACE CAPTAIN JOB!!


Disclaimer: This shid is just jokes, homey. Ain’t real. Ahem, I mean… The content on this site is satirical and meant for entertainment purposes only. It should not be taken as factual or as an accurate representation of the subjects mentioned.

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