BREAKING: Sir Yacht Discovers Bigfoot

Bigfoot's Yacht

A YACHT SOMEWHERE — The infamous truth-teller and definitely-not-a-troll, Sir Yacht of Twitter, has uncovered the secret location of Bigfoot — according to a source:

“My source says 100% he knows where Bigfoot is. He’s saw him first-hand and tracked him to his hideout. We’re mere days away from him being revealed to the public. My source is coordinating a team to capture the beast. Once that’s done, he will be revealed live on TV — it’s a matter of days.”

TWO DAYS LATER…

“My source says the plan to capture Bigfoot is now a no-go — too many legal and ethical complications. But, he is moving forward with gathering conclusive video evidence. Indisputable evidence that he will release to the world. It will happen by the end of today.”

END OF DAY…

“My source is saying there were complications in gathering the video evidence. Instead, he’s inviting the general public out to the location to see the creature for themselves. He will be revealing that location by the end of the week. He simply needs to prepare the area for the influx of people.

END OF WEEK…

“It’s pretty dumb you guys don’t believe me. My source is rock-solid. Nessy — uh, I mean — my source has never been wrong. You’ll see. I’m still holding out hope that Bigfoot is real!”

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