OMAHA, NE — In a move that’s comes as no surprise to real Husker fans, Billy Bluejay announced early Friday morning that he and the Iowa Hawkeye have been secretly engaged for years, are finally ready to go public and are set to elope this weekend.
Speaking on the announcement, Billy Bluejay had this to say, “Herky and I first connected over our obsessive hatred for Nebraska. Slowly, we started to realize how much we had in common. Like our love for meaningless accomplishments; Herky with his mid-tier bowl appearance banners and love of ‘how close their games were’ and me with my ‘making the NCAA tournament in a mid-major conference, but never making any kind of serious run’. All things that are meaningless, but we can stick it to Nebraska with. We’d sit around for hours talking about how Nebraska didn’t have those things. That’s where our love really blossomed.”
We asked Herky the Hawkeye for comment, but he just grunted angrily at us and showed us the “Hawkeyes” tattoo on his belly. We’ll update this is if we get a formal response.
Of course, no one is really shocked by the news, including Lincoln native Mill Boos, “Yeah no surprise there. Just look at the way Bluejay fans talk about the University of Nebraska. You can see the seething hatred in their eyes. Besides, JaySker? Dumbest thing ever.”
The announcement has emboldened many now former JaySkers who’ve “come out” as secret Hawkeye fans… again, surprising no one. Only question now is if these former JaySkers will begin referring to themselves as Jayhawks… which would oddly make sense, too.
We did contact the University of Kansas for comment on the matter, but Bill Self has yet to return our text message.
