Forde-Yard Waddle: Washed Up Writer Desperately Lobs Bombs at Rival Fans In Attempt to Salvage Limp Career


A BASEMENT SOMEWHERE — “Ma! Ma! Turn off the vacuum, Ma! I’ve got an interview. Sorry. She can’t hear very well anymore. I’m almost ready.” A determined Pat Forde feverishly adjusts his toupe in preparation for an interview with the Big Ten network. A once bright star among sports journalists — now a Favre-esque bomb-thrower who doesn’t know how to walk away, Forde desperately clings to any whiff of relevance — a sinking ship and a captain who refuses to face reality.

“Give me Warren’s talking points. And my F*!$ Nebraska checklist. F!#&ERS! That catch is still illegal, by the way. Hair. Teeth. Spray tan. Let me get a little more tan. I need a vacationing in Florida vibe. Cool, but aloof. Little more. Ok, perfect. Actually, just a little more. There we go. Okay. Shirt, little bit of chest. I’m good. Let’s roll.”

We sat down with Forde for a wide-ranging interview covering his long career as a sports journalist and his spectacular fall from grace — a fall he has yet to fully accept:

“I’m regaining some popularity with the kids. They think I’m hip. The tanner helps. They think that’s cool. Actually, let me get just a little more.”

Tune in this evening for our exclusive sit down with the once-mildly-acknowledged journalist — the first in our new series, The Forde-Yard Waddle.


Disclaimer: This shid is just jokes, homey. Ain’t real. Ahem, I mean… The content on this site is satirical and meant for entertainment purposes only. It should not be taken as factual or as an accurate representation of the subjects mentioned.

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