OMAHA, NE — Police were called to the Hy-Vee, located at 108th and Fort in Omaha, after several reports of a man “stumbling around the store, confused and babbling to himself.”
When police arrived on the scene, they discovered the man sitting cross-legged in the canned food aisle, rambling incoherently, “Adrian, QBR, not a Power 5 quarterback, Team Vedral, TEAM VEDRAL!!!”
The man was transported to a local hospital where doctors discovered he was, in fact, not a man, at all, but an android that had malfunctioned. After an investigation, police discovered that the android, along with stumbling from store to store, harassing every person it encountered with the same pointless drivel had also took to Twitter incessantly posting the same nonsense on every Husker football related tweet it could find.
No word, yet, on whether the android can be repaired. For now, police advise anyone who encounters it, online or off, to simply ignore its nonsense. We’ll have more as this story develops.