Huskers to Practice Innovative New Defensive Technique During Bye Week


After a gut-wrenching lost to Purdue in West Lafayette, the Nebraska Cornhusker coaches are doing some serious soul-searching, according to reports from inside the program.

In particular, on the defensive side of the ball. According to insiders, the Husker coaches plan to emphasize an innovative new defensive technique they hope will cure their defensive woes.


That’s the word from defensive coordinator, Erik Chinander. When asked why resort to something so new and revolutionary this late into the season, this is what Chinander, reportedly, had to say:

“Well, we’ve tried ‘completely whiffing’, we’ve tried ‘screaming loudly as they sprint past’, we’ve tried ‘hoping they trip on their own feet’ and none of it has seemed to work. So, we’re gonna give ‘tackling’ a shot.”

According to insiders, the idea for this new defensive technique was inspired by Husker opponents. Again, Chinander:

“We noticed, when our offense has the ball, other teams don’t let them run untouched down the field. We got clarification from Big Ten officiating and a defensive player is allowed to ‘tackle’ an opposing offensive player. So, we’re going to give it a shot and see what happens.”

Apparently, this new form of defense involves “hitting”, “wrapping up” and “taking the player to the ground”. Sounds good in theory, but count us here at the Scarlet Tribune among the skeptical.

We’ll have more as this develops.


Disclaimer: This shid is just jokes, homey. Ain’t real. Ahem, I mean… The content on this site is satirical and meant for entertainment purposes only. It should not be taken as factual or as an accurate representation of the subjects mentioned.

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