Iowa Hawkeyes to Release New Movie: Groundhog’s Day 7-5


IOWA CITY, IA — The Iowa Hawkeyes Athletic Department announced Monday they are producing a new film to honor their 21-year head coach, Kirk Ferentz. The title of the film: Groundhog’s Day 7-5.

The title is a nod to Ferentz’s .608 winning percentage as a coach. In the movie, a Hawkeye fan is stuck reliving a 7-5 football season, forced to come to terms with, accept it and eventually even celebrate it.

In the movie, Jay Bob, initially despised Ferentz for his consistent mediocrity. But, as the 7-5 seasons continue to pile up and Ferentz continues to get contract extension after contract extension, Jay slowly wears down and begins to actually think a 7-5, 8-4, or 9-3 season with no division championship, no shot at the conference championship and playing in a mid-tier bowl game is a good thing.

He actually starts to believe it makes Iowa a “good” program and Ferentz a “good” coach. He even goes so far as to call Ferentz a “hall of fame” coach. He begins to take solace in pointing at other teams doing worse than his own.

In an odd twist from the original Groundhog’s Day, in this iteration, Jay Bob never actually wakes up. He simply keeps reliving the 7-5 season over and over forever… watching every other team in the conference have their championship moments, but not Iowa.

Word is, Ferentz is set to be played by former Oregon State and Nebraska head coach, Mike Riley. Riley is reportedly excited to play “a coach with a .608 winning percentage”.


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