Iowa Pays Chris Doyle $1.1 Million to ‘Not Get Kirk Ferentz Fired’

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IOWA CITY, IA — The University of Iowa announced, today, that it has bribed– I mean reached a settlement agreement with Chris Doyle, the poor, misunderstood, now former strength coach of the Hawkeyes.

Doyle released this statement on the bri– uh, settlement, “These f*ckin thu– I mean, uh, it wasn’t me. But, whatever, show me the money motherf*cker!”

Head coach, Kirk Ferentz, also released a statement saying, “WHEW! Heh, dodged that one. You’re welcome, Brian!”

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