EAST LANSING, MI — A somber day in Spartyville as beloved head coach, Mark Dantonio, announced his retirement. We’ve got a correspondent live at Michigan State campus as Dantonio exits the campus for the final time.
ST: Coach, any final words as you make your way off camp– ZOOOOM!
MD: Move b!@#h!
A silver lining surrounding this news is Dantonio announced he’s buying a “dope-ass” mansion and gonna “do tons of hookers and blow with all the cash I got now, losers!”