Local Journalist Laments Failing Newspaper: ‘Why Don’t These Knuckle-Dragging, Dim-Witted Neanderthals Read Our Paper?’

Angry Journalist

OMAHA, NE — A local journalist admitted, today, he’s confused by all the newspapers and radio shows that are closing up shop: “I don’t get it. Why don’t these morons give us their money and read our paper? Bunch of bottom-dwelling morons, they need our brilliance and wit. Support local journalism, you f!!#-wads!”

When we mentioned it might be his less-than-generous view of his readers, he responded: “Are YOU criticizing ME? How DARE you? How dare you criticize my criticism? You low-IQ, mouth-breathing caveman… buy our paper so I can eat!”

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