Man Eats Hot Dog While Watching Baseball Game, Immediately Dies of Cancer

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ATLANTA, GA — An Atlanta man made the tragic mistake of eating a hot dog while watching a baseball game late Tuesday evening. The deadly combination of boring food and boring sport instantly gave the man terminal cancer.

The man fell into a deep coma and eventually passed from a combination of the cancer and extreme sleep apnea. Doctors tried everything to bring the man out of the coma including playing college football on his TV and feeding him hamburgers and pizza intravenously, but once one accepts hot dogs as a real food and baseball as a real sport, they are destined to die a sad, boring life of settling for less.

We reached out to Oscar Meyer for comment, but everyone at the company was asleep.

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