GOLGOTHA — A Minneapolis man, who was convicted of 1st degree “tweeting at recruits with malicious intent” was sentenced to crucifiction, today. He’s set to be crucified alongside Jesus of Nazareth. The conviction and sentencing was unanimously celebrated across college football.
“Yeah, what a douche. Eff that guy”, said one Nebraska fan.
“Wait yeah? I agree with the Nebraska guy. Okay, I need to sit down. Hey, you wanna see the Hawkeye tattoo on my belly?” said an Iowa fan.
“Heyth! Heh. Yeeah. Yooou fuuug thaaaat guy! Nother round!” said one Wisconsin fan.
“We concur. We believe it just and proper, per Twitter code, section 32B, paragraph C.” said a Northwestern fan.
Even fellow Golden Gopher fans agreed with the sentenced, “Eh. Yeah! Fork that guy don’t you know.”
We reached out to fans outside the Big Ten and even way down in SEC country we found agreement with this from one LSU fan, “Garble wubbah dubbah gurgle gah flubba dub dub”.