LINCOLN, NE — “Mickey’s a Husker”, says Lincoln native, Pinocchio. Here’s our interview with the very real boy:
ST: So, Mickey’s a Husker, eh?
P: Yep. Signed, sealed and delivered.
Woooop
ST: What’s that noise?
P: What noise?
ST: You didn’t hear it? Okay, well, let’s move on. So, how do you know this? What’s your source?
P: Chinander’s manicurist. Friend of a guy I know whose friend is buddies with the manicurist’s sister. He told me.
Wooooooooop
ST: There it was again. It’s your nose. Did your nose just get bigger?
P: It’s nothing.
Woooop
ST: It just did it again. WTF is going on here?
P: Igrrserytimili
ST: What?
P: It grus ery timilie
ST: It grows every time you lie?
P: Yes.
ST: Oh, FFS, so you just made all this up?
P: Yes.
ST: You know what we’re do–
TV: BREAKING NEWS. The University of Nebraska just announced they’ve hired Mickey Joseph as their new offensive coordinator, along with Mark Helfrich and Mike Dawson.
Wooooooooooooooooooooop
ST: Well, I’ll be. And, your nose just shrunk back to normal. What in the world?
P: I told you!
Woop
ST: Sigh. I give up.
