LINCOLN, NE — A new study out by the CDC has found a “strong correlation” between methamphetamine addiction and sitting on Twitter waiting for Husker football recruiting news.
“They’re both crackheads” said Dr. Tom, creator of the study.
We spoke to one patient suffering from the disease who had this to say about the study’s findings, “C’mon man, give me something. Anything. A commitment, an official visit, pictures from an in-home, a top 3, a walk-on commitment. I just need a little bit. I’ll do anything. You want me to su–“
Okay, that’s enough of that…
- Refreshing your Twitter feed more than 20 times per minute
- Visting the Huskers 247 commitment list more than 5 times a day
- Staring hopefully at this year’s recruiting rankings
- Following every recruit the Huskers have offered on Twitter
- Texting “any news?” to Nate Clouse every 5 minutes
The CDC has issued a warning to all Husker fans regarding the findings saying, “It’s development, not recruiting, that matters, guys. C’mon, chill the f!@# out!” A warning roundly rejected by most fans.