Pope Canonizes Joe Burrow ‘St. Billy Jeaux of the Bayou’

Pope Francis Blessing

ROME (Not built in a day), Italy — The Vatican announced late Friday evening that Pope Francis has made Joe Burrow a saint… just making it official. Upon hearing the news, St. Jeaux issued this statement:

“Growing up, my local pastor told me I wasn’t holy enough. I’d never be ‘heaven material’. At Ohio State, the campus priest would always pick other guys to be altar boys. I even tried to go to church in Nebraska once and they wouldn’t let me in. What’s up now?”

Ed Orgeron also issued this statement, “Hih hum da wano he. Mmmhck chwinna ha Joe. Hek pu huhu hmm.”

When asked, Scott Frost noted that he “prefers St. Francis of Assisi”.


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