LINCOLN, NE — A touching scene in Lincoln, Nebraska today as Lincoln resident, Scott Osborne, was reunited with his family. According to initial reports, as the NBA, NCAA and other sports organizations announced their cancellations, the man suddenly didn’t know what to do with himself. He slowly staggered out of his basement “man cave” to discover he had a wife and three kids. “Blown away. At first, I couldn’t figure out who these people were and why they were in my house. But, as I looked at my kids’ faces it all came rushing back to me. It was amazing. Still pretty bummed about the sports, though”, said Osborne.
Osborne does plan to take advantage of the free time, though “Oh yeah. Definitely gonna spend more time with the kids, maybe play some catch, help with homework. Um… uh… what’s her name… my wife… she says little Billy– uh Bobby, little Bobby could use some help with math. I’ve got some books I’ve been meaning to read. Just got a gym membership and pla– wait, what’s this? German, One-Armed Water Polo… that’s uh… just… just one sec–“