Top 12 Books to Read Now That Sports Are Cancelled and God Hates Us

HELL — Sports are gone for the time being. It sucks, but it’s life. In the spirit of soldiering on, here’s the top 12 books you can read to pass the time until Coronavirus is handled and God loves us again:

1. What Is Coronavirus?
2. Why Does Coronavirus Hate us?
3. Wait a Second… People EAT Bats?
4. What Does Bat Actually Taste Like, Then?
5. Of Course, Chicken. It’s Always Chicken
6. Why Sports Though? Can’t We Cancel Everything Else But Sports?
7. Ugh, I Guess It Makes Sense. Fine
8. What Am I Supposed to Do Now?
9. Nascar Really, THAT’S What We’ve Come To?
10. I’m Not Watching Nascar
11. NO! I’M NOT DOING IT! PERIOD!
12. Dude, Harvick Is Totally Going to Win the Cup
13. Oh FFS. Nascar, Too!?

So, there you have it. Enjoy!