WASHINGTON D.C. — The Trump administration announced today there will be an official day of mourning for those hardest hit by Coronavirus and the cancellation of most sporting events: sports journalists. The White House released this statement:
“Obviously, a number of people have been affected by Coronavirus. Those who’ve passed, the infected and how it’s altered their lives, the many who are at high risk for complications from the virus… but, there’s one group who’s been hit the hardest and we’re all overlooking: sports journalists. Those poor souls who now have nothing to report and nobody who cares what they have to say. It’s been devastating. Just ask them… they’ll tell you. We want to honor them and remind them we DO care.”
Of course, most sports journalists immediately criticized the move saying, “It should be a whole week of mourning! And, why no statues!? Just sickening that this administration isn’t taking this seriously!”
One bright spot has come from those infected by the Coronvirus. They’ve collectively decided to divert all funding meant for treating and curing the disease to the affected journalists. “We hope this can he– cough, cough… achoo… uh, help… help their… oh, I’m feeling a little dizzy. Let me sit for a second. Uh, we hope it can help ease their pain an– cough, cough… their pain and suffering. I’m gonna have to lie down. Sorry.”
